I wrote this before Reid’s first surgery last Fall and now we’re gearing up for another one. Not on his thumb this time though, this round is with a urologist for a minor procedure, but the surgery sentiments are the same. I’ll never get over my mix of love and hate for this process. So thankful that we have access to amazing doctors and the almost 100% assurance of a great outcome while still wishing it could just all be over. Surgery and health issues are a hard thing to swallow. Always. And especially when it’s for our little ones.
Oh sweet baby.
Mama is nervous. Anxious. Scared.
Daddy and I thought long and hard about your surgery. We did research and met with doctors. And in this case, we’ve done it before. Your brother has had the same surgery before and this one marks your second. But that doesn’t make this any easier. Possibly, even harder. Because I know what’s coming and I wanted this door closed, this worry, behind us.
I hate letting you go. I hate trusting. I hate knowing that you will be confused when you wake up. I hate that you’ll be uncomfortable and in pain.
I’m not good at giving you to Jesus. I want to keep you safe always. I want you to be healthy and perfect and forever protected. And it just can’t be that way. No amount of bubble wrap will ward off accidents and hurt.
So, since I can’t stop these things. Since I have to choose to trust the Lord and believe that my heart will follow just know that mama will always be there. Every step of the way, I’ll be there. I’ll hold you and pray over your team as they work. I’ll pray for you. For everything you’ll experience today, tomorrow, and the thousands of days after. The scary ones, the happy ones, the days you carry your own worries and the ones that will mark your life forever. I’ll pray as your nurses and doctors do the things I have no comprehension of. Their skill is overwhelming. Their expertise, a treasure to our family.
When you wake, I’ll be close. I’ll hold you and sing to you and bring you home. You’ll be in one piece and I’ll help you recover as fast as ever. If love can soothe anything, mine will.
Oh little one, you are my world, you are my sunshine. Together, you and I will get through today. Because we’re us. And we’re strong. And we have Jesus filling us with bravery we could never muster on our own.
Send your love and prayers to this vibrant, mischievous, amazing little boy! He goes into surgery at 9am PST for about 2 hours and I’m sure he’ll be back in action in no time. Just gotta get through that awful coming out of anesthesia first :(