It’s been two years since my last yoga class. Actually, it feels like yesterday, but that’s how things go with little people running your life – time flies at warp speed while oddly moving at a sluggish pace too. Irony.
Anyways, I marched myself to Happy Hour yoga last Friday expecting a little stretch, relaxation and some of that good ol’ namaste. What I left you, you ask … a really sweaty sports bra (although I still love and highly recommend it) and a need for stock in Deep Blue.
Here’s the breakdown …
Yoga Instructor: Would you like a new student discount card?
Me: Totally! Such a great deal! This is the perfect time because my mom can watch my kids. I can’t wait to get back into yoga since I had my baby. I did leave out that part that my “baby” is almost two.
She peacefully, in a yoga style, nods and looks at me like I’m on speed. Which I’m not. I only drink decaf. And eat these like they’re going out of style. Which, PSA, if you still have these at your Costco, BUY THEM ALL. Ours is out and I fear they’re not coming back.
Yoga Instructor: (paraphrased) Let’s begin a vinyasa (is that how you spell it?) flow – downward dog, lunge to high plank, low plank, cooooooobra, warrior, warrior 2, warrior 4, warrior 9, reach to the sun … breathe in, breathe out … and FLOW AGAIN!
Me: WTF, flow! I’m out of breathe and this is supposed to be my hour of peace for the week! Again? High plank, low plank sounds awfully like a push up and Gretchen does not do those. By now I’m sure I look like a dead cobra even though I’m somehow hoping I look more like this …
My hair was in a bun and I was wearing a tank … so, kinda maybe? Perhaps after a few weeks.
Yoga Instructor: Great work, great effort, with a sneaky nod towards me as she says “effort”. Now, let’s all move our mats to the wall to practice headstands.
Me: Oh. My. Goodness. Did I fall down a rabbit hole into some advanced yoga class??? HEADSTAND?!?!?!
I moved my mat to the wall. Because what else was I supposed to do? Sit in the middle of the studio and stare in awe as everyone else hoisted their booties into the air? I was hoping and praying for the little beginner disclaimer or modification instructions – no such thing came.
She talked us through a sturdy base as I willed myself to be absorbed into the brick wall. I closed my eyes like I was hard-core meditating and just focused on perfecting a strong base. While 5+ people popped into beautiful headstands, me and one other gal and an older dude sat criss-cross with smiles and dropping jaws. Praise the Lord I wasn’t the only non-headstander in our bunch.
Thankfully, we moved into child pose and then the rest-on-your-back-and-relax/almost-fall-asleep pose shortly after the headstand saga and I finally stopped sweating from flows and headstand stress.
Yep, yoga was a real treat this week. And if I ever stop feeling sore, I might even try to a practice run before next Friday’s class with my BEGINNER’S DVD that I snagged for $8 at Costco. Practice makes perfect, right?
Last, but not least …
My yoga question – Necessary? Cute?
My yoga dream
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