I knew life would be much busier with two children.
But let me tell you, knowing and actually experiencing are two different things.
When I was pregnant I truly worried about how I would manage to love two children. My daughter still felt like my baby and I questioned if I would have the emotional energy to find love for my newborn. We had such a special bond and finding room for another relationship to grow seemed impossible. Other mamas and even my own mama told me not to worry – “love multiples”, they said. I did my best to put my fear of loving two out of my mind for the remainder of my pregnancy. These mamas hadn’t led me astray before, I’m sure they were telling the truth once again.
When my son was born my heart immediately grew. I welcomed his sweetness into my arms and there was no doubt my love exponentially expanded. I had two children and I loved them both; loved them each so very much! My love had multiplied and if anything, I felt ecstatic to begin my journey of loving and mothering two blessings. I floated in my new awareness of love multiplied for those first few weeks. It was a beautiful feeling to hold my tiny son, caress his features, and listen to his coos. I found it equally beautiful to snuggle my bouncing toddler, listen to her new words, and see her bonding with her brother. My heart was full of so much love for each of them; my fear had completely vanished.
Then my daily support returned to their normal routines and I was left at home with two. Reality hit. My love had multiplied while my time had divided. Both children needed me as much as they always had, but now I was outnumbered – one mama to two children. Lord help me!
Three months later, I would like to say I’ve moved into the world of “mother of one” to “mother of two” with grace, but that just isn’t so. It has been a rough transition for me. I wouldn’t change it for anything, but daily I struggle with the dilemma of so much love and so little time. Most days I run from snacks for this one, diaper for that one, drying tears, reading books, switching laundry, nursing, upstairs, downstairs, singing songs, another meal, and ohmygoodness this poor mama still really needs a bathroom break!
I fully believe things will get easier as we all adjust to our role in the new trio – mama, big sister, and little brother. Each day we take steps in coexisting better. I’m learning to stay calm, focus on the present, and ask for help. Big sister has learned how to positively respond to the word patient while enjoying some extra movie time here and there. And little brother, right now he’s along for the ride; doing the best to take naps on the go and resist crying when he is attacked with his sister’s hugs and kisses.
This mama of two gig has been an adventure thus far and I hesitantly look forward to each day I’m outnumbered. It’s anyone’s guess what each day will hold, but at least I rest assured knowing it will be full of excitement with the two children who made love multiplication my reality.
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