I’m not much of a coffee drinker these days. At least not at home. I still splurge on a latte when I escape the house. I’ve been enjoying almond milk Ovaltine or a chai tea … mmmmm. So warm and cozy on these blustery days.
So, why don’t you join me for a chai? My Mama has a really cute mug collection and you can pick anyone you want :)
I like to sit at the kitchen table to think when it’s quiet so we can settle there. From here I can see the wooded backyard and a deer or two sometimes, keep an eye on Jemma as she plays in the living room and listen for Max in the bathroom. Yes, Max naps in his swing in the bathroom because he is in love with the sound the bathroom fan.
As we sip our chai, I’d tell you that I’ve been feeling pretty lousy as a mama. I constantly feel torn between fulfilling Jemma’s needs and Max’s needs. I don’t have enough arms or time or patience. It’s frustrating me, but I’m doing my best. I’m guessing I’m not alone in the frustrations of motherhood. How are things for you?
Oh, you’re wondering how long we’re going to be living at my parents? Yeah, me too. I’m super unsettled not knowing the plan with the property. The county is dragging their feet to the nth degree and it really makes me loathe the government’s control over things like this. I’m aching to set up house. I’m most excited about creating Jemma and Max’s play room. Do you ever feel like you’re just waiting around for the next thing? I feel guilty that I’m rushing time along. I know I shouldn’t. I really am loving the time and extra help that comes with being here. My Mom is an angel. Like, seriously, an angel. I don’t even know how to begin to explain how she manages everything she does.
Pause there … I need a refill and Jem is begging for a movie. I’m happy to appease, movies are my quiet time crutch.
Dominic has been THE dad lately. He could step in and run my life in a heartbeat if he had to. I’m so blessed to have him as my partner. I didn’t always think things would be this way. Our first year of marriage was super rough. We fought a lot and I remember telling him he was the worst roommate ever. I even threw a picture frame at him once; good thing I have such poor aim. It took time, but we worked through our communication and expectation issues and I’m so proud of where we are now. He cares so much about us. I hope he knows how much we love him! Just to make sure, the littles and I have a fun surprise planned for him soon. I can’t wait to tell you all about it! Isn’t it crazy how God brings two people together? I definitely don’t believe it’s by chance. It’s beautifully orchestrated; the most beautiful symphony of life and love.
It’s really hard too – being married with little ones. We rarely get quality time together. At the end of the day we’re tired inside and out. But, we’re striving to keep each other a priority. How do you manage? Do you think it gets easier as the kid’s get older? I’m guessing it is just different with each season. Only time will tell.
I could babble on for days and days. I have so many moments to think about life when I’m home all day. I have to stop myself from letting my mind wander often and focus on being present. It isn’t easy, but it is so worth it. How are you being present in your life? I need ideas? I know it usually starts with me setting my phone aside. I’m even contemplating a media fast of sorts in the New Year …
I hope you liked your chai and our little chat today! You’re place next week? You’ll be making cookies? Well then, I’ll be there! I never say no to cookies :)
P.S. Since we’re saving money by sipping at home this morning, why not contribute $5 to our 2012 Service Project? We’re collecting funds to sponsor two foster children’s Christmas and I would love your help! One donation has come in thus far and I’m hoping for a bundle more :) Donation link is in the top right!
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Gretchen, this is a great post – though yours always are a pleasure to read, this one felt more intimate – maybe because of the chai :)Anyway, I can relate to all of this… The sweetness and exhaustion of being a stay at home mama, the challenges of marriage with 2 little ones, trying to stay present (big one for me)… My younger one just turned one a few weeks ago. A friend with two told me every 6 months it gets easier (in increments) and that a year is a big milestone. All true. Still hard in some ways, though SO much less hard than in those early, heady, dizzying months. For my family sleep is scarce, has been ever since my daughter was born (she's now 4.5) so my biggest challenge is staying patient and kind while under such severe sleep deprivation. hillW everyone's big challenges vary, the smaller ones are universal. Know you're nit aone, and from my vantage point in the cyber world you seem like a rather incredible mom and person.Cookies for sure next time :)-Dana
Sorry for the zillion typos! I'm currently nursing my Littke guy to sleep!-Dana
This really spoke to my heart, G. Praying for some movement with the house, strength and re-energizing as a mama, and finding tie for just you and Dominic. Praises for your supportive family. I'm down or chai at my place any day… Too bad we're a little over an hour away now though :(
I love and appreciate your honesty! I's encouraging to know you are "going before me" b/c I'm having my second right when my little love turns 22 months as well. I'm sure I'll re-vist this post and of course keep coming back for more! Thanks for being real.
As soon as Max is up for road trips I'd love to come and visit! Jemma's car hate broke around 5 months, so I'm getting closer :)
Diana OP says
Hi, I really liked this post. As a mom of 2 as well (2 & 1/2 year old and 4 month old girls) I can totally understand feeling like each kid isn't getting enough, and being excited/looking forward to the next thing when being in the here in and now is what God probably wants most (we're patiently waiting to apply for permits with Adair to build our home). (By the way I found out about this blog from your dad and Jaime at the Adair office).
I'm so happy they sent you over :) Congrats on the plans for Adair – I love how much all the plans and building options have grown over the years! I'll be praying things go smoothly with permits and such … it is such a waiting game!