The last 7 months have been … well, they’ve been too hard to put into words.
Awful.
Scary.
Empowering.
There. That’s a few words.
I never planned to return to work after having a baby. I knew I wanted to stay at home. I knew it was where I belonged. Adulthood brought about a different reality and for 7 months I left my baby girl 4 days every week for something that seemed terribly distant from where my heart was.
Don’t get me wrong, I have/had a lovely job (10 more days!). Amazing people, fun work/projects, and a nice paycheck, but nothing compares, NOTHING, to being Jemma’s mama. Top notch co-workers don’t replace her smile and project success doesn’t compete with the satisfaction of clean dishes and a homemade meal.
I know it isn’t for everyone. And honestly, I hope it is all I dreamed it would be. But I’m going to do my very best. I have the some of the same feelings about transitioning home that I had about going back to work.
It feels scary to think about being on-call 24/7 for the rest of my days. No vacation days, no sick time, and no real breaks … unless we establish a crazy amazing nap schedule.
I also feel empowered to take control of my home. I’ve been flying by the seat of my pants for 7 months and we all feel it. We don’t sleep well, eat well, or exercise. We stress too much which leads to disagreements, meltdowns, and “oh my word how are we going to get through today, let alone tomorrow, and next week, and next month, AND CAN YOU BELIEVE SHE IS ALMOST ONE!” Feel the drama? It’s funny. But it’s true to.
Gosh, real life is real intense.
10 days left at work. It will be bittersweet to leave after 3 1/2 years, but coming home to Dominic and Jemma will be the best new job. My project list is growing. I am way too excited about getting a calm, but productive schedule established. It’s going to be fab.u.lous. I think :)
Thank you for your thoughts and prayers over the last few months. Many of you have been a great support during this trying time. It was a season that will be remembered forever, for all the trials and struggles and hopes for the future. I’m sure I’ll be reflecting on it for quite some time as it has helped to shape the woman, wife, and mama I am today.
And, here’s the reason behind it all …
Going back to work was hard with out little one – but I was so afraid on my last day of work. It is a new reality being a full-time stay-at-home mamma. You loose some independence, income, and give up a little bit of yourself – the work hard, adult conversation part. But it is so rewarding. You are going to love it.