I’ve been searching for significance lately …
Wondering exactly what the future holds.
I’ve found so much joy. contentment, and honor in being a mama. It feels like I’ve found my true calling in life and I can’t wait to cherish every moment with my sweet girl and those that will come after her.
But still, I wonder if this is it …
Sippy cups and naps.
Singing “You are my sunshine” countless times.
Dreaming up another meal that can be easily prepped in the crockpot.
Part of me wants a little fame. To be important to someone besides my children.
To be an author or entrepreneur.
To discover something amazing.
When I left my job, I made more money than any other 24 year old I know. Had I known I would do this when I was younger, I would have laughed. Nothing could make me give up the comfort and security a paycheck brings. But when I was expecting, everything changed. Nothing money can buy felt important.
Togetherness felt important.
Moments in rocking chairs felt important.
I still hope to feel settled. To stop reaching for something more. But I don’t know if I ever will. “More” seems part of my DNA. More life. More love. More momentum.
I’m grateful for everything I have. I’m not at all complaining. Just reminiscing.
Reminiscing about how things were …
how things will be …
how I fit into it all.
Motherhood has both calmed my spirit and ignited it. I feel more alive than ever and more fearful of the life in and around me. I’m living a treasured time; one I know I will look back on fondly when newness overcomes.
I’m blessed.
I’m thankful.
I’m ready … for whatever is around the corner.
Blog – GFC – Blog Lovin’ – Facebook – Twitter – Pinterest – Vote
Oh my goodness.. I was just writing about looking back. I know exactly what you mean. The contentment and the itch. Lovely words Gretchen.
I am right there with you (although I still have the job and we haven't successfully transitioned to the sippy cup)
Aw – thanks Nessa! Glad I'm not alone :)________________________________From: Disqus <>To: thatmamagretchen@gmail.comSent: Friday, December 16, 2011 2:03 PMSubject: [thatmamagretchen] Re: That Mama Gretchen: Honestly.Disqus generic email template
now i didn't finish college, so i don't feel that urge to achieve something special. however….peppy and i traveled a lot and were really spontaneous before we had kids. and i do often long for that. it makes me want to reach out and grab for something that is too far to reach right now.
Uh, I love this post. I'm totally in the spot you were when you were expecting. We're trying to see how it could possibly work out for me to stay at home and Jason to work and go to grad school. That paragraph you wrote about how moments in rocking chairs feel important resonates with me so much. I love your view of motherhood. Thanks Gretchen!
Did you pick through my brain to write this post? Seriously – I've never felt more fulfilled, and at the same time so . . . motivated to do something?? I almost said restless, but that's not accurate, b/c I'm very content, but there is a yearning for more …personal fulfillment? Accomplishment? Maybe it's b/c my "old life" was so centered on outcomes – on finishing projects well. Motherhood is this constantly evolving challenge – which satisfies the part of me that thrives on challenges and "doing," but there's no real end, no real measuring stick to satisfy my desire for accomplishing a goal. Hmmm, maybe I need to set some short term parenting goals…
My husband is a stay at home dad, and your post reminds me a lot of his comments. He was successful in his work, and now that he stays home with our son I know he has a yearning to be doing something that he feels has some objective merit outside of our home. I think he struggles a bit more with it too because he also wrestles with his own gender stereotyping on being the family "breadwinner." We often discuss the road not taken. Wonderful post – I'm glad Dionna pointed this out.
I so admire SAHDs! You should encourage him to blog – I'd love to read more about his adventures/perspective! ________________________________From: Disqus <>To: thatmamagretchen@gmail.comSent: Saturday, December 17, 2011 4:33 PMSubject: [thatmamagretchen] Re: That Mama Gretchen: Honestly.Disqus generic email template
Yep – exactly how I feel. It's such a weird place to be in! But happy, but hard, but … you know what I mean :) ________________________________From: Disqus <>To: thatmamagretchen@gmail.comSent: Saturday, December 17, 2011 4:09 PMSubject: [thatmamagretchen] Re: That Mama Gretchen: Honestly.Disqus generic email template
Gorgeous post, Gretchen! I feel you! I could have written this word for word! xoxo mama!
Beautifully expressed. And I am quite certain you are not alone.
oh yes, i completely relate! it's such a balancing act…one that took me a while to accept…bc once baby is here, she's the focus. but to truly be the best you can be is also important! she learns from you, so never deny yourself of your personal dreams…follow them, and you realize that it IS possible to find that balance between personal fulfillment/growth AND being a rockstar mom for your growing girl :) you are awesome, gretchen…honestly, you inspire me!
Gretchen. Perhaps there's a middle ground. A tele-commute option, freelance or a quest to strike out on your own in the field you were in. You can do both. I create (I illustrate children's books) an hour each morning before the children wake and two hours after their bedtime. I managed a New York Times bestselling book…plus 6 more working this way. Did it take me longer to complete my work? Yes…and no. You will find you have so much focus and drive because you have a limited time to work. You will find the fulfillment in outside accomplishments you held before and you will still be able to be the mother you are also yearning to be. You can do both and be happy and fulfilled in both mothering and your work.
Thanks, Amy! I'll be praying everything works out perfectly for your family! ________________________________From: Disqus <>To: thatmamagretchen@gmail.comSent: Friday, December 16, 2011 8:50 PMSubject: [thatmamagretchen] Re: That Mama Gretchen: Honestly.Disqus generic email template
This is a great inspiring .I am pretty much pleased with your good work.You put really very helpful information. I am looking to reading your next post.
This is a great inspiring .I am pretty much pleased with your good work.You put really very helpful information. I am looking to reading your next post.