The Same Page /// Week One

Online book club? Say what?

It’s true – I’m joining in the online book club hosted by Kincaid Parade and Wild and Precious. We’re reading Grace for the Good Girl, blogging about it every Thursday, and hashtaggin’ about it whenever we can. It’s a bit daunting for me to commit to a weekly post, let alone reading through an entire book during this season of my life, but I’m going to try. Forgive me if I fail miserably.

So, week one thoughts from the introduction and chapter one of  Grace for the Good Girl …

I think I categorically fall into the “good girl” brand. I was raised in a Christian home, did well in school, won leadership awards, went off to college, made my share of mistakes as I navigated my new world, but none that drew any attention. Now I’m married, settled as a mama and from the outside things seem relatively perfect.

But it isn’t. There’s alot of brokenness in my heart. Fears I don’t share. Worries that consume me. Every day I feel like I’m in one of those hamster wheels, just trying to keep up. Trying to build enough speed to coast for awhile. Trying to keep up this life I’ve imagined. But, for who?

The beginning words of this book struck me hard. It’s so me. It’s so me, it’s kind of scary. I’m good, but that doesn’t matter. Inside I yearn for forgiveness and grace. I want to be raw, but loved. To be plain, but of worth. There is only one person who can fill all of that. Who can wipe away all my “goodness” and replace it with grace.

My idea of who I should be is at war with who I am. (page 16)
This is me in a nutshell. I know what I’m capable of, but daily I fail at it. Sometimes I wonder if I should even keep striving for it. Whatever “it” is. Are my priorities in order? (The answer is no.) And then the war begins …

I want to let go, rest, and believe, so that he can hold, refresh, and redeem. But what if I do and he doesn’t. To read between the lines of faith is to see Jesus. But reading between the lines takes work and invisible trust and the disregard of feeling. (page 18)
Faith was so much easier when I was young. I had faith in my parents, faith in my teachers, faith in my church family. I believed things that were unseen. And did so easily. No one had every let me down and it just made sense. Now that I’ve grown, I see many cracks in humanity. I put people on pedestals (not fair) and it affected my faith. I need to relearn what faith is and be careful who I put it in —-> Christ alone.

Fear drives, pushing and shoving. Love leads, working deeply and gently within. (page 19)
Uh … print it, memorize it, tattoo it somewhere so I don’t forget to LET LOVE LEAD.

There is someone you want to be, and she isn’t a hiding, mask-wearing, fear-filled woman … Worry robs me of the peace I know is available. Fear lies and says there is no peace at all. And their immature screaming baby Anxiety keeps me up at night with her unrelenting cries of what if? and what now? and what will they think? (page 22)
Worry, fear, anxiety. I’d be lying if I said those weren’t part of my every day. I know I fabricate some and take the what ifs? too far. They are lies from Satan and I have to be intentional about claiming my mind for the Lord. The Lord protects, loves, and gives grace. I want to come out of hiding, take off my mask, and become the woman God wants me to be.

Ok ladies, it isn’t too late to join the book club! I stole away for an evening bath and got through the intro and first chapter in less than an hour. Can’t wait to walk through the coming pages with you, I’m expecting big things for my heart. It’s going to be messy and beautiful and perfect in a truly imperfect way.