Costco {Unfilitered}

Today, a tale of my attempt to leave the house for the second time with 3 young children. The first attempt, two weeks ago, landed us with a totaled car. The poor, unfortunate day, all I wanted to do was return a library book and buy a smoothie. Then we got rear ended. Boo. Such a sad, sad day. But today, my attempt was more valiant. We needed a big ol’ list of things from Costco.

And so, I set out. In the rental car that doesn’t function well for my crew, but whatevs, it’s my only wheels for now. I wanted to be to Costco when they opened at 10, but had to settle with 10:30 because my kids all wanted breakfast. Who do they think they are?

First things first, Jesus gave me a really awesome parking spot. This was lovely because rainy Washington was doing her thang. I parked. Er, tried to park. And spent 10 minutes loading up children. One in the Tula, one in the big basket (who them requested to switch to the top part), and Jem, who negotiated walking. 

Basically, do not judge a mom driving a huge (rental) car with three children in tow. Just give people grace who can’t stay within their lines. They tried. I repeat, “I TRIED REALLY HARD DOMINIC BUT IT JUST ISN’T IN ME TO DRIVE THIS BEAST!”

 I spy Lily Jade in my cart! The ultimate mama bag … cross my heart times one hundred!

We made it inside, alive, and with all children accounted for. I had a return to do and quelled Max’s begging to watch a movie on my phone by promising a treasure hunt for dino nuggets as soon as I was done. To say he was excited was an understatement. This boy loooooooves his dinos.

Throughout our journey in the Costco maze I saved myself approximately $225 by NOT buying the following …

How I managed to say “no”, I really don’t quite comprehend. 1) I love Keira Cass. 2) Year after year I aspire to garden and this darling raised garden bed almost had me convinced that I could birth a bounty of veggies as my 4th child 3) I think Grace has raved about Egyptian Magic and my postpartum face could use some love.

Instead, I did the lame-o adult thing and spent my funds on Max’s dino nuggets, applesauce pouches, Pull-Ups, bananas, hard-boiled eggs, cereal, toilet paper, and Honest Healing Balm because it had the star of death and that always leads me to stocking up on things I might not need 400 ounces of. 

Now … a candid of my darling bigs.

And, my baby cherub with a side of dried breastmilk flaking off his brow. Poor thing is so neglected. Albeit, well fed.

Before I had the chance to wave my flag of victory, disaster struck. After loading toilet paper and telling Max he could not under any circumstance pull Jemma’s hair I decided to pull the cart behind me instead of pushing it. Said cart was full of 100+ pounds of children and Costco essentials and apparently I moved too slow for the cart’s momentum. BAM! Wound of the century. Not counting the lady bit wound I incurred during Reid’s birth a mere month ago, of course. But still, it hurt like the dickens. My eyes welled with tears. I wanted to call S.O.S. to the hubs, buuuuuuut, unfortunately I used that card on our car accident two weeks ago. I was S.O.L. I did send him a pity text.  Someone needed to feel my pain. And see it.

To “help me be brave” Max told me a very long and detailed story about a boy name Max and all the animals he saw in the forest as I hobbled to the checkout lane. All his stories begin with a very intense whisper “Once upon a time, wong, wong, ago …” to build suspense. I would have videoed his tale had my heel not been gushing blood. His story did put a smile on my face. It did not save my Chucks or pant hem from a being covered in blood.

Bottom line — my troop and I survived a trip to Costco and I felt that this accomplishment deserved some internet acknowledgement in an unfiltered manner. If you made it this far into my rambling, give yourself a pat on the back, you deserve it, and contact solution. That was my fancy souvenir!