Grace Upon Grace

9:38pm.

Deep breaths. Two children down. One to go. Tomorrow’s clothes are laid out. Kids hair is washed. The vacuum is running. Thank you Jesus for Roomba! I sway and hum to our favorite sleepy song. I squeeze Reid a little tighter. My darling little one. He sighs and draws closer to my chest; to my heart, where so much of him resides. His eyelids fall with heaviness; happiness from another day. A day where his first smiles and conversations lit up my world. This. This is what reminds me that I’m doing what I’m doing for a reason. My trio, my tribe – they need me. And I’m here for them. As present as I can be in yoga pants and nursing tanks with a messy bun and circles under my eyes, I’m here. 

The Lord is heaping grace upon grace in my life. By the looks of my to do list I should be overwhelmed. I’m running in 20 directions, helping 15 people, juggling working from home (so laughable it’s not even funny), nursing in the wee hours of the night … and still, I feel this sense of calm, this sense of peace. Either I’m learning to manage life in doses or Jesus is pulsing through my veins keeping me going beat by beat; I reckon it’s the latter.

My word for the year, today, is changing things in my mind and in my heart. It’s revolutionizing the way I approach my minutes, my hours. I have no guilt over snuggling longer. I say yes more. I ask for help. I root deeper and strive farther. This year has been good to me. And it’s not because of what has happened. It’s because of His grace and goodness. I see it everywhere. In little smiles, in my messy kitchen, in the fullness that are my days.

And then, this, it frames things oh so perfectly …

“We’re all assigned a piece of the garden, a corner of the universe that is ours to transform. Our corner of the universe is our own life— our relationships, our homes, our work, our current circumstances— exactly as they are. Every situation we find ourselves in is an opportunity, perfectly planned by the Holy Spirit , to teach love instead of fear.”

—Marianne Williamson

Today has been full of love. Not 100%. But I’m not running a perfect show here so 100% can’t be my goal. And I breathe deep once again. In the peace of the night, in the wake of tomorrow already brewing. Spotify is playing all the right songs, calling creativity to rise above the sleepiness. And I’m ready. For tomorrow. For this week. For life with my people, my tribe. The Lord is shaping my garden, the little space he has called me to influence. And it starts with them, my trio of children who look to me every day to teach them love, patience, responsibility, contentment. He is doing a work in me, that with His grace, will flow into them. And because of His grace, I can rest knowing all is well. All is in his hands. All doesn’t rest on me.